Step two

I was once afraid to love
I was once afraid to love my self
I was once afraid to love myself because I didn't know how

I didn't know how because I didn't have a consistent love for God
I didn't know how because I couldn't even consistently love the man I was with
I didn't know how because I didn't think I deserved love due to the previously stated

my mind and my heart are not always on the same page
my mind and my heart are constantly in battle
my mind and my heart ignore the wishes of my soul, my spirit

Is it my choice to ignore myself?
why am I afraid to life in the complete truth?
Is it laziness? (inside I think it is. Im afraid to put in the hard work and end up failing...this is the core of all of my fears...my fear of not being good enough even for myself)

self worth is the difference/barrier between any definition of success and all definitions of failure.

I've started loving myself...its still a work in progress but my state of contentment is proof to myself that things a changing for me. I learning to accept my love and enjoy it.

My first step in my self love journey was to commit to celibacy and learn how to love on myself, for myself. Step one has been achieved and only needs to be maintained.

I need to stop accepting mediocrity from myself...my next step has been identified and will be put into motion.