Journey of Self Love

I've come to realize over the years that I don't love myself as I should. I'm always seeking for others to love me and give approval. Knowing all that I know, one would think that I have learned to accept myself and love myself.

A few weeks ago, I decided to begin this journey of putting love into myself instead of giving it to others who don't deserve it, appreciate it or want it. I harbor so much negative energy especially in my womb because of all the love I've given and negative beliefs I have about sex. Most of the time, I've tried to give love to receive it back through sex and now I feel the emptiness. I feel the void, the pain, the lack of love.

What hurts most is knowing that I am the cause of all of this pain and negativity in my womb and my heart. I've allowed others to use me, confuse me, abuse me. I've made excuses for them and especially for myself. I refuse to do that any longer. I need to take care of me. I need to love me. I'm suffering so much.

I've given pieces of myself to enough people. I know that I will never reach 10 mates because my next mate will have to be my King I've talked about it here: http://callingtyrone.blogspot.com/2013/07/pieces-of-me.html. Unfortunately, I've experienced the random in some shape or fashion as well as the Cuddy-buddy. at one point in my past, I thought I had my trinity but I've come to realize that I tricked myself into believing that this person had everything that I wanted and needed. He had few qualities of my King and more qualities of my captor.

I've vowed to myself that the next person I'm with will be my King, my husband, my man. I've vowed to start repairing the wounds I've inflicted on my heart, mind and womb. If I am blessed to be able to have children one day, I will want to bring them through a healthy vessel and into a positive environment. It all starts with me.

I am now a celibate woman meaning that I will abstain from sex until my King and I unite. I will love on myself in a positive and affirming way in order to counter the negativity I've endured for the past 6 years of my life. At the moment I don't feel like I deserve this (but I know I do..Everyone does) but my womb does, my children do, my king does. At the end of my journey, I will feel like it was all worth it.