A part of my self love journey, aside from the emotional love towards myself and my Lord Creator, is replacing sex with people who can't give me what I need in a relationship whether it be emotional, mental or spiritual, I've decided to try making love to myself. Now, over the last...7 months I've had sex a few times and they were all physically unsatisfying...minus one or two occasions. But even then it was a process. I have so many barriers up emotionally and I wait till someone beats the doors open with their dick...it only works after at least 30 min but most people can't wait that long for me to open up enough for good sex...why am i so messed up? These are the issues I want to address so I can have freedom from myself and actually be where I need to be to find my King and let God/ The Universe/ The Creator provide him to me.
I bought myself a toy to assist in my practice of self love. I have never been one to masturbate because I absolutely love the interaction between two people..I'd prefer bad sex over masturbation. Being that this is about me, myself and I, I have to get over that. I have to change my perspective on certain things in order to grow. That being said, I used my toy...What happened was soooo Unexpected.
Not only did I have an orgasm for the first time in months but I cried... Now, I know I still have a lot of work to do because I had no emotional connection to myself. I was just going through the motions. Yes, there was progress but its a long road ahead. I cried I think because of the song that came on my Pandora playlist. No Ordinary Love by Sade. This has always been one of my favorite songs but it seemed to be speaking to me while I was trying to love on myself.
She spoke of giving all of her love to someone, while they just keep on taking and naysayers speaking against her relationship. This is no ordinary love. She kept trying, crying, flying for this love. She fell deep in love for/ with this person. I connected so much with this in the moment. I spent 6 years of my life in an on again off again relationship that every time we fell off, my love dwindled a little. I'm to the point where I feel like I've climbed out of that deep ditch of love. I want more for myself. I should not have to settle... I believe that when I start living my life completely according to my truth and I'm in alignment with The Power/ My Lord Creator/ The Universe, everything will come together for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment